May 24, 2012 I lost the most amazing man a girl could ever have in her life… A grandfather. My Grandpa Nigel Wedderburn was the absolute beat of my heart, he was the joy in my hard times, he was the sunshine on my cloudy days and he was the head of the Wedderburn Pride, the protector, the pillar and most importantly the connector, he was the link to all our family.
He was such a great man and despite the things that shouldn’t have happened, when you look beyond it you saw a man who was filled with love, he wasn’t perfect but he was a PERFECT Grandpa, Grandpa and I had a really special connection we met later on in life when I was 20, but immediately developed a bond that only he and I could share, I was his baby as he always called me and he was my Grandapapa, I would make sure that every single time I went to Jamaica i’d see him. I HAD to see Grandpa and I wanted everyone to come because I wanted everyone to know this amazing man. He lit up a room with his smile, he LOVED each and everyone of his kids and grandkids especially. He was so happy to get to know us no matter how far along we were in our lives. He was just the best Grandpa a girl could have. I can remember visiting him and we’d sit there for hours and he’d tell me stories and he’d tell me about when he was young and when he drove a bus and he’d have a new girl every night and all the women loved him, and rightfully so he was amazing.
He told me about the time he nearly beat a man to death after that man hit one of his daughters, and that he would protect anyone of his girl and grand girls just the same even now.
There is such a hurt in my heart right now and I just don’t understand ANYTHING right now, I can’t comprehend why he had to go.
Dear Grandpa
You’re with angels now, you’re with you Auntie Jean now and you’re with your parents. You left us too soon, you were too young to go, you had a Lion Heart, you had so much strength you are going to be missed so much, which doesn’t even really appropriately describe how i am going to feel from now until we meet again. Look after us and guide our steps because we need you so bad right now. Ijanay, Jozeph, and Dwayne are missing you, I am missing you, we are ALL missing you. I spoke to you April 18th and promised I wouldn’t let more time pass before we spoke again. Now it feels like I have to go a lifetime without you, I replay our last conversation in my head over and over I am desperately trying to hold onto every last bit of you I have. I don’t wanna lose you, I never imagined that i’d now have to live without you I imagined you at my wedding and I imagined you meeting my kids, I imagined us doing so much more together. You loved me as I loved you it was undeniable and everyone knew it. Just know grandpa that you’ll be in my heart and I will carry a piece of you EVERYWHERE I go.
R.I.P Nigel ‘Grandpa’ Wedderburn
In less than a month I will be moving out of my apartment that i’ve called home for the last 5 months. I moved in December 13, 2011 with a friend who QUICKLY became family, two peas in a pod, two young girls in a big city, just trying to make it day by day, the same struggle, the same hearts, yet we’re from millions of miles apart. I often wonder why, or even HOW Gracii and I’s lives found each other, we were EXACTLY what we needed, we were roommates, Sisters, Best friends even, we shared the most intimate parts of our lives with each other, accepted each other as we were, flaws and all, annoyances and all, that which we both had many of. I came home and ran over to her and snuggled up with her on her TWIN blow up mattress and we chatted and my heart just felt so sad that these moments that we have are coming to a neat end. I began to cry because she was that piece of home for me, while i’m without my family, and my real friends she has truly been my rock, I never too for granted our time together but I don’t think I realised how fast it would escape me. I can bare the thought of not coming home to her, not having our monthly dinner dates, just her presence knowing that i’m not alone, we cried together and laughed together, and we’ve done so much together. So many things that I will NEVER as long as I can remember, I’ll never forget them, the memories are precious and I hold them so dear to my heart as I sat there and cried she hugged me and told me i’d be okay and she as always was there exactly when I needed her. Today as she was getting ready for work, she fell into my arms crying as she’s going through an emotional break up and her ex is emotionally beating her up. Just as she did for me yesterday, she laid in my lap crying as I consoled her, thats just the type of roommates and friends that we are. She was the BEST part of coming home and we always laughed because we’re both homebodies and just like to be at home comfortable, didn’t need to go out, didn’t need to party, the party was where we both were.
I don’t know if she’ll ever see this but to her I say openly from the deepest part of my heart…
Dear Gracii
Thank you so much for EVERYTHING you have done for me these past few months, what we share is something ordained from God above. To have built a home, a friendship and memories like we have is something people only dream about, the only thing I regret is not capturing more of our adventure on camera, I wish I could have filmed every second of this amazing and at times trying journey, they were some of the best memories I’ve made in my life thus far. You are someone I wish to know for a lifetime the beauty of your heart and your presence in my life is not something i’m willing to let go of. I absolutely love you VERY much, thank you for understanding me when it was hard and when it was easy, like i tell you everytime we talk you deserve the WORLD at the very least, I can’t wait to see you develop and get what’s yours.
I will miss you so much but I know that I will surely see you again, you have Toronto to visit and I have Egypt and Korea still to see. I love you so much!
Yours Always,
Habibi
